I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
