I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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