...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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