my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
