I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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