He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
