just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
