I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
