Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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