Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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