what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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