i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
