Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
