She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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