hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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