I must be too annoying 4 u.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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