How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
