I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
