i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
