We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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