i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
