I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
