I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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