my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
