my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
