Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
