My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
