she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
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