I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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