She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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