Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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