Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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