Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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