tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
