How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
