I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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