im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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