Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
