We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
