Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
