Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
