I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
