Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
