well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
