Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
