i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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