5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
