I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
