i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
