Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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