She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
FUCK WHALES
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
