my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
