Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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